what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
