I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
