I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
