I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
