He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
