the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
