so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
