I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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