I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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