He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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