just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
