Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
