when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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