Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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