Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
