does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
