i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
