Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
