What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
