if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
