Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
