Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
