its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A+ Viking dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
