whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
