dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
