he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
