Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
