you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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