I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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