I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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