so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
