I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
