Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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