Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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