I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
