oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
