i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
