the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I die, sorry about rent.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
