You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
