I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
