just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
