OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have feelings that need drinking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
