I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
