I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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