Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
