well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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