Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
