Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
