never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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