listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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