my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
