If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
