first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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