God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i permit you to call me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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