She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
