I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
