apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
