Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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