You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
