her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
