did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
